As I complete my thoughts about our trip, I have realized that there are some basic rules and things to know before heading off on a trip like this. Here I shall share them with you. My commandments of offshore sailing:

  • Know thy stomach.
  • Love thy crew. More importantly, love thy skipper. Even more importantly, love thy chef.
  • Know thy medications and use them wisely.
  • Keep thy garbage on board.
  • Keep a log of the days sailed, unless one wants to lose ones’ mind.
  • Gaff thy tuna not within the confines of the boat, unless one wishes to look like a murderer.
  • Make thy food prior to storm arrivals.
  • When in need of food seasoning, remove the salt from the rails and apply to thy dinner.
  • Fill thy pockets like a hungry chipmunk so as to avoid unnecessary trips into the Galley of Lucifer.
  • Keep thy boat flat for the chef. Unless one wants food from the floor.
  • Do not break the head door. Unless one wants to do thy business in front of whole crew.
  • Look not for land. Let it find you.
  • If one stares at the horizon long enough, one will find all kinds of fun objects to see.
  • Look not to the top of the wave that cometh from behind. Look ahead and ignore.
  • Prepare thyself to be damp for the entire trip.
  • Love thy tuna.
  • Worship thy engine. It provides one with fresh water and escape from the becalmed sea.
  • Sleep when thy can.
  • Laugh from thy belly at least twice a day.
  • Have a Newfie on board. If unavailable, find an East Coaster.
  • Replenish thy snacks prior to Kiwi and above East Coaster discussing the meaning of life.
  • Remove thy fishing lines from the sea prior to shark hour.
  • Do not allow Curious George to open things without asking thy skipper first.
  • Do not throw water bird looking for a rest off the boat. It will not fly. It will land in said water with a loud splash (sorry Simon).
  • Showering is overrated.
  • Watching shipping vessels in the night will almost always guarantee that one thinks one is on a collision course.
  • Lightning striking within 1 km of boat is a good time to wake thy skipper.
  • Thinking the moon rise is actually a shipping vessel about to hit thy boat is apparently NOT a good time to wake thy skipper.
  • Be not surprised when a flying fish hits thy face.
  • When one returns to civilization, be not surprised when the home shower continues to move for several days.

Hope you enjoyed our journey and you have learned a few things to put into your tool box if you ever head off into the great Big Blue!

Captain Penny


  1. Captain Penny this is so good!! May I add:
    Treat thy coffee urn as a gift from the gods, as it is far more valuable than you are as crew.
    N’er do enter the V-berth during an upwind beat for more moments than are absolutely necessary; it has been named the barf locker for good reason.
    ‘No food or drink at the nav station’ means ‘No friggin food or drink at the nav station’.
    Though the first steps back on land may be unsteady, the first cold beer makes it all worthwhile!

  2. Forgive me Captain for I have sinned: I awoke a Captain upon viewing a shipping vessel via RADAR while transiting the Caribbean Sea bound for the Panama Canal thinking we were on a collision course. Closest Point of Approach something like 3 NM.

    1. Ha Stephen that is awesome! Unfortunately our collision course vessel was a red moonrise. Go figure! Better safe than sorry!

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